my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
