I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
