if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
