Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
