1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
