I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
