Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
