Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You ate ashes out of my bong
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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