I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
