Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
