smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
