i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
