just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
