Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
