I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
