That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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