So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
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