but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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