I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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