you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
