I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
๐๐๐ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and โwhat the hell is wrong with youโ
Randomize
