It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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