whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
