I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
