ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Two words: nipple clamps
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