stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
