chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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