I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
