glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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