i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
