Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
