Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
