the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
