i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
