Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
