His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
