he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
