Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
