She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
