I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
