she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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