Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
