I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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