don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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