it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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