Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
