if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
