I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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