First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
