They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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